Planning ahead is better than trying to fix it later

Healing Hurt Relationships

I remember growing up, one of my mother’s favorite quotes were, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say nothing at all.”  She went on to explain to us the value of being respectful of other people’s feelings.  She was right!  So many times we hurt the one’s we love, or block new relationships due to the words that come out of our mouth. We never know how deep the pain we inflict on others with our words until repercussions manifest later.  There are also times when things are said, unintentionally,that will hurt someone.  That causes another breakdown in a relationship.

At the beginning of a relationship try to remember a few things:

  • Remember who you are conversing with – if you haven’t already, get to know their likes/dislikes; what bothers them; what excites, motivates and inspires them
  • Listen attentively to what the other person is saying – most of the time, hurtful things are said because someone wasn’t paying attention to what the other person was saying and  misunderstandings take place.  When you realize this has happened, ask questions immediately to get clarity on what was said.  You may realize you really weren’t paying attention (which is not the other person’s fault)
  • Set boundaries – if you want to keep the relationship going, you need to know what you can/can not say to the other person without going too far.  This is were disrespect creeps in.  No one wants to experience this.  If someone says something to hurt you, don’t laugh it off, let them know.  If they are a true friend, they will not do it again.  If it continues after talking with them, re-evaluate the relationship.  No one should ever be hurt on purpose at any time in a relationship.  If you see the expression on someone’s face change after you have said something, do not disregard that expression.  Ask them if something was said to offend or hurt them.  Hopefully, they will tell you the truth.   Tip:  You can’t make someone tell the truth no more than they can make you lie.
  • Saying I’m sorry goes a long way  – remember to apologize when you realize you hurt the other person.  It does not matter if it was intentional or unintentional.  Pain is real and does not go away until you determine what caused the pain, so the healing process begins. Realizing the pain exist is the first step.  Apologizing is the second.     Tip:  Make sure to keep a mental note of being alert that this is what caused the hurt and I will not make the mistake of doing it again.

* If you have been in a relationship with someone for a while these few things will work for you too.

Have a blessed day and remember to spread love.

Much love,

Granny

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